Today my family had potatoes for dinner. As I ate, I was suddenly struck with a strange horror. I realized the excruciating pain and torture that my potato had to go through in order to fill my mouth with fluffy goodness.
First, the parent potato of my potato was buried in a deep, dark hole. The parent potato sacrifices its own flesh and body to produce a new potato plant. The baby potato plant now has to eke out a miserable existence with out the loving hand of a mother or father.
Then the cruel farmers spray them with pesticides. Those pesticides kill all of their bug friends and the potato plant just has to sit there and watch them DIE. They can’t do anything about it because they are just potatoes. They do not have legs or the ability to speak. So they just watch all of their childhood friends DIE. Goodbye Jenny and Eliza and Peter! I will miss you!
Next, the farmers come with their dark scythes. They separate my potato from the only home it has ever known in one smooth sweep. The potato is then shoved into a cold, dark crate with other estranged potatoes, and then they are shipped in the gloomy mist of the truck to your local grocery store.
In the grocery store, my potato went through a period where it was struggling with its self-confidence. As the farmers used pesticides, it is therefore not classified as an organic potato. A.K.A its cheaper. The potato does not know that this is why it is listed at a lower price.
It wonders “Am I a bad potato? Why am I cheaper? I do not understand…” Every potato has these thoughts and feelings. Except silly organic potatoes. They are all high and mighty.
But anyways, at last I pick up the seemingly unwanted potato and its self-esteem issues are mostly resolved. “Some one wants me! I'm going home!” it yells gleefully in its potato mind. But it doesn’t end. The potato nightmare never ends. As soon as it settles into my vegetable drawer, I begin to feel hungry. I grabbed the potato thoughtlessly and began to stab it mercilessly with a fork. I then wrapped my weeping potato in aluminum foil and shoved it into the burning flames of my oven.
Once it is cooked, I began to slash it open and stuff it with bacon and cheese and butter. I finally devoured it in a tasty frenzy. And finally the potatoes struggle has ended.
-MOMO
